Perfection
by nadiak
Summary: "The greatest thing about being imperfect is being perfect at it." Welcome to Isabella's life as she spirals downward in search of a world that she knows she will never find. Rated M for drugs, language, sex...the nitty gritty.


**Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight.**

**New Story.**

**Please read and review**

* * *

"Do you love me Edward?" Her voice is haunting, lovely-tainted little girl.

This is home...

Isabella is sitting on my lap, long dark hair spilling over her face in intensely loose waves. She peers up at me with mock-curious eyes, waiting for the answer that she already knows. There is a soft smile twitching at the corner of her ruby lips. There is something called manipulation aching to be unleashed from within her.

I love this girl with my entire fucking core. She's mine...

"Sometimes, it hurts to love you as much as I do." I make my admission but only because I can be hurt no more by her than I already am. I only have one weakness in this world, and she knows that my one weakness is her.

Isabella's smile lessens, saddens. Almost to the point where she isn't even smiling anymore. Her gaze is intent on mine, chocolate-brown eyes beautifully smoldering.

"I don't want you to hurt because of me Edward." Her voice is the fakest kind of sincere, lonely-devious little girl.

It is my turn to put on a smile now, but not because I am amused with her. My baby girl is a world class liar. I can't even look her in the eyes without feeling just a little bit tricked.

But my love for her is permanently infinite. It will never-ever cease. There is nothing that I can do now but be forever trapped in her game of love.

I resent her for being her, I resent her because our love is the worst kind of tainted, but I'm addicted to her so I wouldn't want to have it any other way.

Clearly-addictive little girl...

My smile falters, my eyes sweep over her face. She's beautiful, _perfect_. She's mine...

"If love didn't hurt just a little bit...I don't think it would even be worth it."

This begins our story...

**CHAPTER ONE**

**ISABELLA POV**

Perfection is a slow death...

"Bella, wake the fuck up!"

My _perfect_ dreamy-myth world is obliterated by the voice of a desolate, and perfection is quickly replaced with the face of my uncle. Joy and promises of promise tantalizes me as they evaporate, my wreath of protection is ripped away from me before my very eyes, and fantasy turns back into my reality way too quickly.

"Get your lazy ass up for school. You aren't missing anymore days this week." I sit up halfway against the pillows that are lining the rickety headboard connected to my bed. I watch him stumble out of my room whilst grumbling to himself in a voice just loud enough for me to hear what he's saying, "You've got the fucking attendance office blowing up my phone. I don't have time to be dealing with those pricks today."

"Dude, shut the fuck up." Another voice comes to my attention and I am no longer in that half-awake/half-asleep state. I can hear my brother and my uncle arguing with each other outside of my bedroom door. They are talking about me like I can't hear them. "Don't fucking talk to her like that."

"Why the fuck should she get special treatment around here huh? We have to tiptoe around princess Bella or we might set her off? That's not how the real world works Jasper. No one else is going to baby her like you do."

"It's called having a mental disorder you fucking idiot."

My uncle chuckles in a way that is completely taunting, he makes a scoffing sound to express his skepticism. "It's nothing wrong with that girl. She just wants to get some attention."

"You don't know what's going on in my sister's head." I can tell that Jasper is getting very upset now. He's always stood up for me as long as I could remember. Even before the doctors, and the episodes, and the deaths, and the perfection. "Depression is an illness that doesn't go away. How many times do I have to explain that to you?"

"I don't believe in that depression bullshit and I don't care to have it explained to me." My uncle's voice begins fading out so I know that he's walking away now. "Just make sure she gets up for school. I don't want that damn school sending social services over here again."

When Jasper enters my room there is one thing that I immediately notice about him. His eyes are not painted blue anymore or even colored a bluish-black, his eyes are now abysmal orbs of darkness that sometimes redden when he's high.

"Are you up baby girl?" Jasper stands in my doorway, arms crossed over his chest as he leans his back against the frame. He looks fully exhausted, there are way too many purple shadows under his only eighteen-year-old eyes. "You have to get up for school today."

"I know." My voice is a resignation, I've accepted that I can't sleep away my sorrows today. I have to put on my smile and pretend like I don't miss perfection. I have to fabricate a piece of happiness and fool all of the people who don't look beyond the surface of things. "I need to take my medicine."

"You need to eat breakfast first."

"I'm not hungry."

Jasper doesn't argue with me. He never does. I don't think he has enough energy left inside of him to argue. He just shrugs his shoulders. "Get in the shower Bella. Edward and Elizabeth are on their way and they're bringing you something to eat." He doesn't say anything else before leaving me to be alone. Jasper values the meaning of solitude more than anyone else I've ever known, and I love him immensely for that reason. He doesn't hover.

My showers are never long. They are never short either. I stand under the spray of luke-warm water. It runs down my body like molten lava, but it isn't excruciatingly hot and it doesn't burn my skin. While I am washing up I can hear the doorbell being rang from downstairs, I can hear my sunshine walking in from our front door, and I can feel one genuine smile etching onto my face.

Edward and Elizabeth are here...

I am out of the bathroom within the next five minutes. I am in my room with my bath towel wrapped around my torso. I am inside my closet trying to pick the _perfect_ outfit for today.

"Bella love." Edward's voice is never-ever unwelcome. The sound of him wraps around me in comfort, he's the warmest something that I've ever felt. He's standing in my doorway with bagels and hot chocolate.

I don't turn around to address him. I continue my search for perfection even though I know that it is standing behind me in it's most wholesome form. "My heart is beating for you."

"I keep you alive?" His tone is earnestly pure, love and resentment mixing with hurt and joy.

"The only reason that I need to exist."

"Besides Jasper of course." He knows me better than he knows himself, he has me defined. If Bella was a word in the dictionary he'd be the only person who could recite the entire definition without reading it first.

"Yes." I pull out a pair of white skinny jeans and my favorite RVCA sweatshirt. "Besides Jasper."

"I missed you yesterday." He sits at the end of my bed. I haven't turned around yet but I can hear all of his movements. I memorize every melodic sound that his body makes. He's a song in itself and I've written the lyrics to it. "Were you sick?"

"Of pretending to be happy?"

"Were you ill?" He decides to rephrase his question, I guess he doesn't want to play games with me this morning. "Or did you just choose to play hookie?"

"Where were you? You didn't stop by after school." The funny thing about this situation is that we both know the answers to the questions that we are wasting breath with asking.

"I was with Peter and the boys. We had to make some runs." He's looking me straight in the eyes and I know that he's telling me the truth. He's a _perfect_ example of an untrustworthy truth-teller. "Carlisle had us selling to some dopehead who lives in Seattle."

"And a phone call would have killed you surely." Edward watches me as I dress because he can. My body belongs to him and he knows it. He knows that I know what he was doing last night too. "Why didn't Jasper go there with you?"

"Jasper was with Alice last night." Edward's voice is faint in nonchalance, there is no sign of guilt. His carefree demeanor is misplaced. He doesn't deserve to look at me with calm-collected eyes and not feel just a little bit bad for taking my love for granted.

"Why didn't Alice go?" I ask, my eyes are watchful for any lapse in his self-fabricated expression. He's skilled in fooling people but he can't fool me...not when I'm so good with fooling people myself. "She usually tags along with you guys."

"Why didn't you go?" I love how he likes to turn the attention on me whenever he's the main subject of any conversation. I am his only escape route. "The boys were asking about you."

"But not for long though." I sit beside Edward on my bed and I hate that I could never hate him. There's a smile on my lips that only he can put there. "Other girls were there weren't there? Tanya Denali maybe?"

He doesn't answer me immediately but he doesn't stay silent for very long. He doesn't give me any time to find the lie on his expression. "What time is it? I think we should be heading out soon."

I touch his face with the tips of my fingers, sickly satisfied that he still melts into my touch. "It's the _perfect_ time to head out."

~~~~PERFECTION

The high school isn't located very far from where Jasper and I live, so the car ride there isn't very long. There isn't enough time for someone to say the wrong thing and make the atmosphere turn awkward. Edward and I sit in the front seats and Jasper occupies the back with Elizabeth. We're all comfortable in the silence that we do not know how to fill.

I spot Peter leaning against his car as soon as we pull into the parking lot. There is an empty parking space next to where his Porsche is parked that is unofficially reserved for us.

"Good morning." I greet Peter, my gaze fixed on his rebel-boy appearance. He's beautiful to look at but in a very ugly way. The scars of his life are visible on his face and that is what makes him so tempting. There is an element of danger about him that tends to draw people in, but there is something very imperfect beneath that danger. "Where is your other half? Your twin is never too far away from you."

He lifts his head in a nod, at first I believe that he's decided not to acknowledge me with words this morning. I wouldn't have been surprised if that was the case."Dimitri is already in the building. I told him to tell Emmett McCarthy to meet me out here for lunch."

"Why are you meeting with Emmett?" Edward asks, lacing his fingers through mines. His maneuvers are sweet but we're always seen as the_ perfect_ couple when we are at school. Nobody on the outside can tell that our relationship obliterated a long time ago. Only the people on the inside can see the truth. We're flawlessly imperfect.

Perfectly flawed...

"Carlisle told me to tell him that he needs to come see him today." Peter replies easily, completely straightforward and just as non-trustworthy of a truth teller as Edward is.

"Did the shipment come in yet?" Jasper queries, his curiousness evident in the raising of his brows. "Because I need to pick up my cut."

"You should have picked it up yesterday." Peter raises his dark eyes to peer at my brother, there's a darkness in his expression that I do not miss. There is a disregard of emotion altogether. "Carlisle gave your share to Emmett. He said he had buyers that wanted their stuff as soon as possible and he couldn't wait until you were ready to come around."

"I was busy yesterday. My sister needed me."

The dark of Peter's eyes flicker towards me. There is an amusement of some sort that proceeds in lifting his lips into a small smile. This is an extreme rareity for him. It is hard for me not to appreciate him in this particular moment. "Did you have one of your crazy-girl episodes again?"

"No, I tried to kill myself with my Uncle's favorite razor blade."

The others are silent around me. There reactions to my words is their stillness. Peter barely makes a movement to imply that he's registered my words at all. "Why did you choose yesterday in particular?"

I lift my shoulders wryly. Why wouldn't I choose yesterday? "Because it was the_ perfect_ time."

"Edward, let me use your phone." Jasper requests, I can see that he is upset with the news that he has just received. He needs to sell hard-core drugs for more than just his benefit. He does it to keep a roof over my head that our alcoholic uncle cannot even hope to provide. I depend on Jasper and he knows this to be true. He is my _perfect_ saviour besides my love of course.

Edward hands his cell phone over to Jasper's anxious hands as the bell rings, he promises Edward that he'll get his phone back to him by the end of the day. Edward is not worried about the expensive cellular device. He can buy five more of them if he has to. He only nods his head as a response. My fingers interlinks within his and he walks me to my first class. Edward does not care if he is late.

"Do you have to talk with Dr. Platt today?" He asks, his voice in an octave of softness that I imagine is reserved for my ears specifically. He peers down at me with green eyes that I love more than breathing. He is perfection. "I'm not selling today. I wanted to spend some time with you if you weren't going to be busy."

"I am never busy when it comes to you." I raise my hand, stroking his face. There are girls that he's touched that walk past us. There are girls that he's made promises to that enter the classroom that is my first period. "You can come over whenever you want."

"How about you come over my house? I can pick you up and you can stay the night with me."

Something swells inside of my body. I believe that it is my heart. This boy loves me perfectly, though I can detect flaws in every single one of his lies. "I would like that very much."

Edward leaves me. I enter the classroom with eyes on me, they follow every single one of my moves. There is something that belongs to me and the people whose eyes follow me wants that something.

"Hey Bella." I sit beside my lab-partner. Her name is Angela Weber. She is a pretty dark-haired girl with designer glasses. "You haven't been here all week. Were you sick?"

Of pretending to be happy...

I nod my head, a rueful smile taking place on my lips. "Probably less sick than I actually pretended to be. I didn't miss very much did I?"

"Nope." Angela Weber replies. Perfectly unaware of the imperfection sitting beside her. "We're just now starting the new unit. Melina has been M.I.A for the last few days too. I think his wife is in the hospital again."

"What a tragedy." I say earnestly, a piece of my heart goes out to my favorite teacher. I pretend to act like I have never seen him flirting with some of his younger faculty the same way that they pretend not to know that he has a beautiful wife dying of cancer. "I wonder if he will show up today."

"I saw him in the hallway talking to Mrs. Lopez. He'll be her shortly."

My rueful smile expands just a little bit more as I resist the urge to shake my head. I find a fiendish comfort in the fact that I am not the only person who is living an imperfect life.

**~~~~PERFECTION**

My school runs on an even/odd day schedule. On even days we have 2nd hour through 8th hour, and on odd days we have 1st hour through 7th hour. I have two ninety minute classes before I am able to go to lunch. I walk into the cafeteria with a girl name Jessica Stanley beside me. She has been talking into my ear for the last several minutes but I have not comprehended a single thing that she's said during the entire time.

I find Edward, Elizabeth, Alice, and my big brother sitting at the same lunch table that we occupy every day.

"Bella love." Edward says, the spot beside him is reserved for me. His warmth wraps around me like a coat. His smile is my protection. "How has your day been?"

"My mood hasn't dropped to the point of no return yet." I reply nicely, stealing a fry off of his tray. Edward kisses my lips and I taste sweetness before I taste the salt. "Jasper did you ever get a hold of Carlisle?"

My brother raises his eyes to glance at me, sadness looks me in the eyes. "Yeah, he said that he is going to work something out with me. I have to meet with him tonight. I'm not going to be home and I don't want you there with Aro by yourself."

I like how my brother does not trust anyone when it comes to me and my safety. My Uncle would be an idiot to touch a hair on my head, but he's never fully in control of his actions when he has all of that fluid flowing through his bloodstream.

"She is going to spend the night with me." Edward says, easing my brother's anxiety. Jasper is my love's best friend but I don't even think my brother trusts Edward fully. "I'll make sure she takes her medicine and everything Jasper. You don't have to remind me."

"Good." Jasper says, eyeing him carefully. I don't know what he'd to Edward if something were to ever happen to me under Edward's supervision. I don't like being treated like a piece of glass but inside that is all I am. It does not take very much to shatter me and it is quite difficult to put me back together. "I'm going to call and check up on you guys every hour."

"Really dude?" Edward asks drolly, a frown doing nothing to diminish his beauty. He is _perfect_ in every single way. "We're not little kids."

Jasper chuckles a little to himself. "I was just playing with you bro. I know that she's in good hands when she is with you."

Jasper might not watch me so closely if I was not the only family he had left on this entire planet...

"What time are you going to be done Jazz?" A soprano voice that I hate so much registers in my ears, just when I'd gotten so good at pretending like she wasn't even there. Alice Brandon sits beside my brother and she is the most untrustworthy truth-teller that I have ever laid my eyes upon. I do not see why Jasper thinks she is so _perfect._ All she has ever done is eat his heart and pull his love away from me. "I want you to come over. You can stay the night with me."

"I'm not going to be back in Forks until after midnight."

"I don't care." She replies and her voice is sure. "I'll leave the key under the mat for you. My parents are in Madrid for the week anyway."

"That's perfect." He says, and the smile that he wears is only for her. There is something called envy rushing through me. I am supposed to be the only one that Jasper loves. I am his little sister. I am his love.

**~~~~PERFECTION**

I keep an overnight bag packed. It is always inside of the trunk of Edward's car in case I have to spend a night at his house unexpectedly. I do not count the minutes as they flit by, but my classes are only as long as I make them.

I am back in Edward's passenger's seat before I know it. We are on our way to his house and it seems like we had only just arrived at school.

Edward and Elizabeth live on the better end of Forks, Washington. They live where the houses are big and nice, where three to four cars fill up each driveway, and where everything looks absolutely flawless on the outside.

People will never imagine how fucked up things can be within the four walls of one single household.

His parents are not at home when we make it there. I guess that makes him and Elizabeth happy. They do not have to pretend that emotional abuse from their mother does not hurt just as much as the physical abuse from their father. They both are spawns of two psychopaths who were meant to be together because on the outside they look so _perfect_ together.

Elizabeth goes on up to her room. She feels the same way towards me as I feel about Alice Brandon. Edward used to be her Jasper before I came into the picture.

She leaves Edward and I alone. We are left in a room full of possibilities.

"Are you hungry Bella love? You didn't eat much at lunch today." He kicks off his shoes by the couches, tosses his jacket onto the floor, and his bookbag lands close to the television. My love is such a mess. "Elizabeth made some lasagna yesterday. I'll warm some up for us. Then you can take your medicine."

I agree to his plans. They sound routine. I guess it is what we are supposed to be doing. Edward fixes both of us a plate of the lasagna and I realize just how hungry I really am when the aroma of the food saturates the air. We sit down at the dining table and we eat in comfortable silence. Elizabeth really outdid herself. The lasagna is cooked to absolute perfection.

After we are both done, I tell Edward that I will clear up the dishes. He tries to be a gentlemen and insist on doing it himself but I give him a hard time and he eventually lets me do it. I load up the dishwasher while he goes to my overnight bag to find the medicine that I did not pack on purpose.

"Bella love, I don't see it." He says from the livingroom. He does not realize my intentions yet. "Is it in the front pocket or the back pocket?"

"Did you check them both?"

"Yes." He replies, looking at me with a cute confusion. He holds up my bag and shakes his head. Lost.

"Was it in either one of them?" I dry my hands, and turn off the kitchen light.

"No."

"Well, it must not be in either one of them then."

"Bella this isn't funny." He drops the bag back onto the couch. "I'm going to have to call Jasper. Do you know what he'll do to me if he finds out that you did not take your medicine? Do you know what he'll do to me if something happens to you?"

"It's okay Edward love." I smile and touch his cheek, he looks down at me with irritated eyes that are soft around the edges. "I don't want to feel bogged down while we are together. The medicine makes me drowsy. I want some time with you. That's all."

"I don't know Bella. You just had one of your episodes." Edward cares about maintaining my health and I find that endearing. Edward also cares about maintaing a black-free eye and I find that humorous. My brother is only intimidating to the people who do not know who he is on the inside. "I could go over your house really quickly."

"It'll take you a hour to get there and back. I want you to love me right now."

"I do love you." This truth is not a lie or a half-truth. He's told me the entire truth for once today. I do not doubt his love.

"Show me. Love me down." His arm wraps around my waist, pulling me towards him. Chest to chest. Heart to heart. "Love me hard. Make me yours."

Warmth of a pair of lips burn into my skin. There is no need to tell Edward twice. He knows how to love me perfectly. His lips trail down my neck, down my collar bone, and back to meet my waiting lips. He kisses me with a passion that brings tears to my eyes. He holds me against him tightly, maneuvering us backwards until we fall on top of each other on the couch.

He is between my legs where I want him. His lips on my skin where I like it. Articles of clothing become irrelevant as they fall to the floor beneath us. When there is nothing left between us but skin I cannot help but think of this as perfection.

"Did you take your pill today?" He asks, his voice rougher. The kind of husky that turns everything inside of me into goo. He looks down at me with anxious eyes, his body aching just as much as mine.

"I want another Annabelle." I reply, my eyes flitting up to meet his. I can see anxiety and fear inside of his.

"Not today. Not while we're still in high school Bella love." He hesitates at where we could be joined if he'd just push himself into me. He doesn't look at the frown that has replaced the smile on my face so quickly. "Annabelle was a mistake Bella."

"Don't say that." I whisper, taking him into my own hands. Putting him where I want him to be. "I dream about her everyday."

"Oh fuck." He groans, moving within me. The look of pure ecstasy covers his face as he stretches me to accommodate his size. He feel so good to me. I have to let my eyes fall shut. "Bella baby, love..."

He can't even finish his thoughts. This is the best kind of connection. I like to know that he gets lost inside of me. I like to know that I can make him feel this way. His thrusts are timed and precise. He knows exactly what he is doing. He's done it with so many different girls, so many different times, for oh so long. He does not fool me when he loves me like this. I know that I am not the only one that he makes feel this way.

"You feel so _perfect_." I say, as his movements become rougher. My name falls from his lips. I can tell that he is getting closer to where he needs to be. "So, so good."

"Ah, Bella...fuck." His body trembles the closer he gets. His eyes are on mine and they are so intense. He pulls out of me when he gets to that point and he releases all that he has onto my stomach.

I look at him with disappointment. I know why he does this. He does the exact opposite of what I want him to do. What I need him to do. I cannot think past the reasons behind his decisions. "We were so happy. I just want to be like that again."

"Annabelle ruined everything Bella love. We were only happy because we thought we had to be." His breathing is labored, cheeks flushed with a delicious pink tint, his hair is tousled, and he is youthful.

"You don't want me." I say, shaking my head. The thoughts that run through my mind are crazed. I can't fight the fluctuations, the darkness that threatens to paint it's way over my mood. "Why don't you want me? That's all I want!"

"Bella...Bella love!" He says, attempting to calm me down, pulling me into his arms. He tries to calm down the hysterics that involuntarily take over my body. A disease is not easily cured. "Bella love...listen to me. I want you more than anything. I love you. You're going to be my wife one day."

"What about Annabelle?" I ask desperately, knowing that the brown haired beauty will visit my dreams again tonight. She makes me crazy. Edward makes me crazier.

"One day we'll be mature enough for Annabelle." He smooths my hair back, probably wishing that he'd made me take my medicine. "One day we'll be able to take care of her. But first we have to make it through high school. We have to stay together. How does that sound?"

I feel a little smile lifting the corner of my mouth. "That sounds _perfect_."


End file.
